EFFECTIVE LISTENING SKILLS
DIOGENES, PHILOSOPHER FROM GREECE
COMPARISON OF COMMUNICATION ACTIVITIES
| Listening | Speaking | Reading | Writing | |
| Learned | First | Second | Third | Fourth |
| Used | Most | Next to most | Next to least | Least |
| Taught | Least | Next to least | Next to most | Most |
LISTENING VERSUS HEARING…
‘Hearing’ occurs automatically and needs no conscious
effort on your part…if the physiological elements in
your ears are functioning properly, your brain will
process the electrochemical impulses and you will
‘hear’…whether the language is Japanese or
English…
However, what you do with the impulses after
receiving them, belongs to the realm of ‘listening’
Perception of meaning and coming to an
understanding – both require the power to ‘listen’
Listening is a ‘skill’ – much like speaking
Everybody does it….but, few do it well !
LISTENING…AT 75% EFFICIENCY OR LOSING 75% ?
When was the last time you jumped to a
wrong conclusion ?
Missed an important word ?
Failed to understand that you were not being
understood ?
Reacted emotionally ?
Let yourself get distracted ?
Listening or Unlistening ?
We adopt destructive ‘unlistening’ behaviours
by tuning out, taking side trips and lose out on
vital information…
LISTENING – IS NOT A ‘NATURAL’ PROCESS
Listening is a ‘deliberate’ process through which we seek to
understand and retain aural heard stimuli
For effective decision making, employees at all levels, need
information – facts, opinions and feelings – that affects and is
affected by decisions. Talking is one way of sharing such information.
To make informed decisions, one needs effective listening skills..
For instance in the manufacture of the brake system of a car, a
manager may hear – but not listen to his engineer’s warning of a
substandard sealing ring.
The product goes to market with a hidden – but, dangerous flaw…the
resulting problems embarrass the company and endanger the public…
When it does come to light and the newspapers report it…orders fall
off and the company’s image and earnings take a beating…
LISTENING – TO THE MESSAGE…
Listening is a ‘deliberate’ process through
which we seek to understand and retain aural
heard stimuli
The four different forms of a single message:
As it exists in the mind of the speaker (thoughts)
As it is spoken (encoded by the speaker)
As it is interpreted (decoded by the listener)
As it is ultimately remembered by the listener
(affected by the listener’s personal selectivity and
rejection)
WHY MANAGERS FAIL TO LISTEN…
If manager’s careers depend on their decisions and their
decisions depend on their listening skills, why is poor
listening so common ???
Over-assertiveness : managers usually have assertive
personalities and tend to speak up more than others,
usually with more definite opinions and more insistent
ways of speaking. Too often, as they move in the fast
lane of business, they find it frustratingly difficult to
listen to others. By comparison to their own speed of
thinking and expression, others seem slow, disorganised
and unclear. As a result, many managers press ahead
with their own decisions, sweeping away conversations
with: “Yeah…I know what you are going to say, but here
is what I think we should do….”
WHY MANAGERS FAIL TO LISTEN…
Internal mental competition : A manager’s head is
often a beehive of competing ideas, facts, details,
appointments and worries. Even during conversations,
the new information has to compete with many thoughts
and feelings. Often, the other speakers in the
conversations, lose out. The manager’s mind is elsewhere
and thinking about other things.
A person speaks at a rate of 125 to 150 words per minute.
We think, however, at over 500 words per minute…
The difference leaves enough time for a wide variety of
irrelevant thoughts to crowd in on our attention – and to
crowd our listening…
WHY MANAGERS FAIL TO LISTEN…
Assumptions about the speaker : If we have
already made up our mind about what the
speaker is going to say, we don’t really listen
attentively.
In the case of the engineer’s warning about the
defective sealing ring, the manager may have
been thinking…”this guy is such a worrier…he
always makes mountains out of molehills.”
The manager then dismisses the engineer’s
warning – or never truly listens to it in the first
place.
WHY MANAGERS FAIL TO LISTEN…
Assumptions about the situation: Similarly, we can fail to listen
because we have already made up our minds about the circumstances
being discussed.
For example, a manager on a tight production schedule has a mental
plan for how the project should proceed.
Often, that plan is so vivid and preoccupying that the person does not
listen to other voices, especially voices of disagreement or protest.
In the case of the defective sealing ring, the manager may have felt,
subconsciously, perhaps – that there was no time in the schedule for
glitches. Those were supposed to be ironed out at an earlier stage.
The manager cannot listen to the engineer’s warning because it does
not fit the script etched into the manager’s mind !
WHY MANAGERS FAIL TO LISTEN …
Laziness: Unfortunately
for their companies and
for their subordinates, not
all managers are
enthusiastic and
competent.
They often do not listen
because true listening
would require that they do
something.
For the lazy manager,
ignorance can be very
comfortable !
IMPROVING YOUR ABILITY TO LISTEN…
Changes for better listening:
most of us need to change the
way in which we
listen…significant changes in
attitudes, habits and techniques
is the road to effective listening:
Changes in Attitudes:
Changes in Habits:
Changes in Techniques:
CHANGES IN ATTITUDES…
You can remove the five barriers
to listening, by:
Understanding the barriers
Noticing when they get in the way
of your own listening
Making a conscious effort to avoid
them
CHANGES IN ATTITUDES…
You may have to deal with a problem of being overly assertive.
For example:
I have a bossy personality – aggressive, energetic and driven. Those
traits can hurt me as a manager if I never give others a chance to really
communicate with me. This time, I am going to let someone else have
the floor – I will be as energetic in trying to listen, as I am in trying to
talk myself !
The process of retraining involves giving yourself mental lessons
and teach yourself new and more productive attitudes; which
may lead to personal resolutions, such as:
I tend to shut out Kiran whenever she brings up her problems in
customer relations. I usually try to joke about it or change the subject.
This time, I am going to try to understand what she is saying as
completely as possible…
CHANGE IN HABITS…
Changing old habits, which you have practiced since
childhood – may interfere with your ability to listen,
even after changing your attitude…
Habit of cutting in on others whenever they say a phrase or
word that sets off an interesting thought within you.
You may habitually let your attention drift after the first
sentence or two of someone’s conversation
Breaking old habits involves catching yourself in the
act or asking others to help you catch yourself…
You may like to place a reminder to yourself on your
desk: “LISTEN…DON’T INTERRUPT !” or
“CONCENTRATE ON THE MESSAGE !”
Breaking bad habits
becomes easier as
you see the rewards
for your new
behaviours …in terms
of respect others
have for you and the
wealth of new
information you
receive !!!
CHANGE IN TECHNIQUES…
The ways in which you listen…the techniques you
use for receiving and interpreting others’ words –
may need significant change. For example…
In the past, you may have ‘shut down’ and become
entirely passive while others are active in speaking.
However, to listen effectively means that you are as
active when you listen, as when you speak ! That is,
you are thinking with the speaker, straining to make
connections between ideas and speculating about
feelings, motives and other matters.
You are now working hard to make ‘meaning’ of the
words you are hearing !
LISTENING – TO THE MESSAGE…
Listening is a ‘deliberate’ process through
which we seek to understand and retain aural
heard stimuli
The four different forms of a single message:
As it exists in the mind of the speaker (thoughts)
As it is spoken (encoded by the speaker)
As it is interpreted (decoded by the listener)
As it is ultimately remembered by the listener
(affected by the listener’s personal selectivity and
rejection)
TYPES OF LISTENING …
Passive : listening to news
or music…we are not required
to make any response…either
verbal or non verbal. We are
free to ‘tune in’ or ‘tune out’ as
our mood strikes us. We often
let our minds wander to
associated ideas and images. It
is not a problem when attention
wanders during this type of
listening…passive listening is
fine for many kinds of
enjoyment.
This type of listening would be
inappropriate in face-to-face
conversations and other
business circumstances…
Interactive: we are expected to react verbally
and non verbally to what we are hearing. If the
speaker says something surprising, we are
expected to show our surprise. Not to do so,
would be a failure in interactive listening. Our
faces, body posture, vocal noises (“Ah ! Really ?
Uh-huh”) and hand movements all signal our
intense interest and understanding of the words
we are hearing. Eg Business conversations –
interviews and meetings.
Attentive : we consciously try to focus on
what the speaker is saying. We make an effort
not to let our attention wander. Eg Include
listening to instructions, a briefing, or other
important information such as a fire alarm, or a
storm warning…
TYPES OF LISTENING …
Empathetic: this most intense form
of listening has all the characteristics of
interactive listening with the addition of
the listener’s effort to understand and feel
connected to the emotional content of the
speaker’s communication.
The listener is reactive – i.e. responds
visibly and audibly to what she/he hears.
In empathetic listening, the listener is not
only reactive, but is also participative –
attempting to share with the speaker the
feelings and concerns that underlie the
message. Egs. Customer relations,
counseling sessions, and some
performance, hiring and disciplinary
interviews…
Empathetic listeners are effective at ‘decentering
– placing the focus on others rather than on
themselves. They listen from the speaker’s point
of view, using three different skills to accomplish
this:
Empathic responsiveness: the
experiencing of an emotional response that
corresponds to the emotions of another
person
Perspective taking: placing yourself in
another person’s shoes
Sympathetic responsiveness: feeling
concern and compassion for the situation the
other person faces
If you use only sympathetic responsiveness,
however, your listening will fall short of
being empathetic..if you only ‘feel’ for a
person, without using perspective taking and
empathic responsiveness, you cannot succeed
in ‘feeling with’ the person !
EMPATHIC LISTENERS & PARAPHRASING …
Paraphrasing is a 3-step process
in which you do the following:
Make a tentative statement that
invites correction – for
example…”If I am not
mistaken…”
Repeat the basic idea in your own
words: “what you are saying is…”
Check your interpretation with
the other person, by saying: “If I
understand you, you believe that
your boss is going to replace you.
You are confused and upset. Is
that correct ?”
Empathic Listeners rely heavily on two
communication skills:
the ability to read the non verbal
cues of others, including their eye
contact, physical contact – touching
and facial expressions; and
the ability to use the ‘active
listening’ tool – the paraphrase…to
let those they listen to know that
they care enough to listen,
understand, and respond to the
expressed feelings….
You engage in listening ‘actively’
which means you internalise and
reflect the message’s verbal content
as well as the speaker’s feelings…
THE CHINESE CHARACTER FOR ‘LISTENING’
Ears
Mind
Eyes
Undivided
Attention
Heart
THE STAGES OF LISTENING…JUDI BROWNELL
THE HEARING STAGE…
Sounds fill our world and
compete to be noticed
Usually, however, we hear – what
we ‘listen’ for…announcements at
a railway station…
We choose to attend to some
aspects of what we hear, and the
rest…‘falls on deaf ears’ !
Once we ‘attend’ to a message, we
demonstrate our willingness to
organise and focus on what we
are hearing
If the message holds our
attention, we will also seek to
understand it…
THE UNDERSTANDING STAGE…
Listening comprehensively – we relate to what we
have listened to – to what we already know
We do not judge the message till we are certain of
comprehension…we may ask questions about or
paraphrase what we believe the other person said
during the understanding stage…
Red-flag words – produce emotional deafness,
sending listening efficiency down to zero…AIDS,
spastic, income tax…if the words cause an
emotional recall, people abandon efforts to
understand, take side trips, dwell on their own
feelings and associations…their emotional
eruptions cause listening disruptions…!
THE UNDERSTANDING STAGE…
Other factors that interfere with understanding are
the environment – too hot, too cold, too messy…and
People themselves…who speak too fast, too slow,
too loudly or too softly…
Speech-thought differential – we think faster than
others speak…
A person speaks at a rate of 125 to 150 words per
minute.
We think, however, at over 400 to 500 words per
minute…meaning, that we have time left over to
take mental excursions and to daydream.
To use the speech-thought differential to
enhance understanding, we need to internally
summarize, question and paraphrase what is
being said !
THE REMEMBERING STAGE…
Once our brain assigns meaning to a
message, the next stage is
‘remembering’…in which we try to
retain what we have listened to for
future use..and we personally decide
how much is worth storing in memory
and what needs to be forgotten
Intense feelings and reinforcement of
a message increases our chances of
remembering – and we should be able
to recall it when necessary…
On the other hand, we cannot possibly
remember everything…some
forgetting is necessary for mental
health…
THE REMEMBERING STAGE…
We have two kinds of memory…
Short-term memory: most of what we listen to, we store
briefly here…unless we use and apply what is stored
here, we forget it before being able to transfer it into
long-term memory. This explains why we remember
only 50% of a message immediately after listening to it
and approximately 25% after some time has passed.
Long-term memory: our more permanent memory
bank, plays a key listening role by connecting new
experiences to past ones. For example, we remember
the phone numbers of people important to us, as well as
where you were when you found out about the terrorist
attacks of 9/11 on the Twin Towers or of 26/11 on
Mumbai…
THE REMEMBERING STAGE…
We use three key tools to enhance recall…
Repetition: the more we repeat an idea, the
more likely we are to recall it later
Paraphrase: by restating in your own words
what a person has just said, you not only check
on your understanding of what was said, but
also help yourself recall it.
Visualisation: by picturing what someone has
said to you – connecting a visual image to a
name, place, or number – you can help improve
your recall…for example…if you picture a
person named Rohan Banerjee as standing in
front of a ‘banner’…Lack of attention cause most
memory problems not ‘faulty’ memory –
attention & focus build memory….
THE INTERPRETING STAGE…
We make sense of a
message, using dual
perspective
taking…considering the
message from the
sender’s perspective as
well as our own.
If we are successful, we
do not impose our
personal meaning onto
another’s message
THE EVALUATING STAGE…
We weigh the worth of a message and
critically analyse it
During this stage, we distinguish facts
from inferences, weigh the evidence
provided and identify any prejudices or
faulty arguments that could slant
meaning.
We stay mindful, rather than mindless,
listening between the lines and being
careful not to jump to conclusions
THE RESPONDING STAGE…
During the last stage –
responding – we react to what we
have listened to and offer
feedback to let the speaker know
our thoughts and feelings about
the message.
STRATEGIES FOR LISTENING…
Listen to the whole message:
virtually all oral messages come to us
with both attitudes and factual
information. When we listen to another
human being, we can perceive not only
the ‘explicit’ message (the information
we would receive from reading the
words) but also the ‘attitudes’
(including the feelings, mood and
suggestions of intent) that go with the
message
For eg if the VP says: “I want you to
attend the meeting”…the attitude that
goes with the explicit message is as
important as the actual words.
From the expression on the VP’s
face and the way that the words
are said, you may receive one or
more of the following messages :
“I am giving you the splendid
opportunity of attending this important
meeting…what an honour !”
“Now don’t you forget and be late, as
usual. I am ordering you to be there –
and on time !!!”
In most business situations, you should
listen to both the attitudinal and
informational aspects of what you hear.
Sometimes, you need to concentrate on
one of the two…and the techniques will
differ !
STRATEGIES FOR LISTENING…
Listen for factual information:
when listening only for facts, try to find
a pattern for the meaning, so that you
can connect all the individual details,
statistics, and other items flowing to
you from the speaker.
Often, you can figure out the pattern
simply by asking the question…WHY ?
Why is the speaker telling me all these
details ?
Why is the speaker listing these facts ?
Why is the speaker quoting these
authorities ?
Just as headings in a textbook help
to organise chapters into
manageable units, ‘KEY WORDS’ in
a conversation or presentation
help to mark stages of thought and
relationships between ideas…
By focusing actively on the ‘key words’
that keep repeating in a conversation,
you will be able to listen in on the key
message instead of all the facts and
details themselves !
STRATEGIES FOR LISTENING…
Listen for feelings: knowing how to spot
and track all the key facts and terms in a
spoken message is crucial for most BC. More
importantly tune in to what people feel and
intend to say rather than listen to the facts of
what they say.
Listening for feelings means opening
eyes and ears to:
Tone of voice
Facial expressions
Gestures and posture
Eye movement & eye contact
Pace of speaking
Indications of nervousness,
excitement, depression or other
emotional states
These clues usually support the
apparent meaning of a person’s
words, but they also sometimes
contradict the words being spoken.
“I guess you are right” with humility or
with a whine or sadly ?
A smart supervisor should be able to
unearth the real attitudes and opinions
from the tone of voice …
STRATEGIES FOR LISTENING…
Give the speaker signs: when we
listen to a business associate over the
phone, even if we say very little, we
chime in with “Uh-huh” or “Really” or
‘Oh”, to let the speaker know that we
are still there – the phone line has
not gone dead, you have not hung up
and the speaker is not ‘on hold’
When you listen to an associate or
client or supervisor or subordinate,
you make the same kinds of “I am
still here and I am still listening”
noises.
When speaking to you alone or in a
small gathering, the speaker
appreciates these ‘noises’…
However , when you are in a larger
group, many such “I am still here’
noises would make the room very
noisy and the speaker would be
drowned out.
At these times, we use visual signs
to tell the speaker “I am still here
and I am still listening” …by keeping
eyes focused on the speaker thro eye
contact, we nod our heads, we gesture
with our hands, we take notes…
These tell the speaker: “I am interested
in what you have to say, and I think you
are an important enough person to pay
attention to you…
BENEFITS OF LISTENING…
Both the speaker and listener
benefit:
As effective listeners, we usually
learn something – facts, opinions
or at least what someone is feeling
or thinking…
When we listen well, we encourage
speakers to speak well. Knowing
that we are listening carefully, the
speaker tries his or her best to
make the words worth our
attention.
We build relationships.
Friendships are impossible without
sympathetic listening and business
relationships depend on its
presence…
The result of sympathetic, energetic
listening can be quite powerful…you can
make people feel more important by your
attentive listening and in turn, how
much more important they feel you are
for their interest in them…
COMMUNICATION CHECKPOINT…
Focus on facts and issues, not on
personalities
Show by your facial expressions and your
willingness to listen that you want to
understand the other person’s position and
feelings
Clarify the other person’s position by
repeating back in your own words what you
understand the person to be saying
Present alternatives in the form of possible
options, not direct objections to the person’s
position
Directly ask for the person’s input on how to
resolve matters of disagreement or impasse